It's like an advent calendar, except that someone has replaced all the chocolates with little chunks of pewter, wrought iron and STEEL. Next in our series of metal Christmas carols (by the way, Mount Olympus will be wandering around door to door in Staten Island singing these for the next month or so) is one of my personal favorites: No Presents for Christmas by King Diamond. In this most metal of yuletide tunes, Diamond explores the most brutal of all holiday scenarios: a Christmas without presents. For those who are unfamiliar, uninformed or just plain stupid, Kim "King" Diamond is the bastard child of an incestuous one night stand between Gene Simmons and Richard Simmons. Well known for his hilariously terrible impressions of Bruce Dickinson, "the King"'s distinctive vocal style has been called, "awful". Mr. Diamond now resides in Long Island with his wife and three children. He has been working as a used car dealer for the past 15 years. Enjoy.